


Miss You Every Day

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s07e01 The Ticket, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-31
Updated: 2009-08-31
Packaged: 2019-05-30 10:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: After the disastous interview in 'The Ticket', Josh and Donna individually find time to identify just what they miss about each other.





	Miss You Every Day

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

MISS YOU EVERY DAY

Timeline: After the Ticket and through to the Al Smith Dinner. I hopefully show some of the misconceptions each other had and then I’ll finish off by going AU …

Disclaimers: All the usual stuff

Feedback: I appreciate the time you take to let me know what you think. If you like it, let me know.

A/N: You’ll recognise the dialogue I stole directly from TWW. You may also recognise a line from “When Harry Met Sally”

A/N: This story is in 3 parts. I wrote the first 2 parts when I was ‘down a hole’. So it’s a bit sad. You can easily just read the first 2 parts but I felt a need to give some resolution which is what you get in part 3. 

A/N: This story is beta’d. Thanks! You identified immediately the parts I felt were clumsy. 

 

“Thank you for your time”. With that formal goodbye Donna ended the interview. As she walked out of his office and down the corridor, Josh stood in his doorway watching her leave. She held her head high, trying to maintain some dignity. But Josh knew she was hurting. He wasn’t comfortable with the knowledge he was responsible for most of that hurt. He also knew that when someone you love is hurting, you hurt too. 

Josh turned quickly and strode into his office. As he slammed the door shut, he hoped the staff would get the not so subtle message – leave him the hell alone! He slumped into his chair and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He played back in his mind the interview he’d just had with Donna. She’d come to him, a mix of nerves and confidence. She’d done what any smart person looking for a job would do – used her contacts. Josh bristled at the idea that she thought of him as a ‘contact’. Someone to network with in order to further her career. When had things deteriorated so much that this was all he was to her? Dammit!!

Donna had tried to keep the interview professional. After a quick friendly exchange, she had launched straight into her sales pitch. It went downhill from there. But the way it ended…

“If you think I don’t miss you everyday…”

Josh sighed as he recalled his words and the reaction it brought in Donna. He unintentionally opened his heart to her and she shut him down. It was as though she didn’t want to hear this sentiment, as if it caused her pain. Josh had been surprised to hear himself admit this to her but he didn’t regret it. He did miss her.

During one of his sessions with the DC therapist Stanley referred him to, Josh had been encouraged to write down his thoughts during times of anger or tension. Without realising what he was doing, Josh took out a sheet of paper and began to jot down his thoughts.

• I miss seeing your face every day

• I miss hearing you toss out random facts during the day

• I miss you challenging me to do my best

• I miss you challenging my choices

• I miss hearing your voice wake me every morning and I miss wishing you were there to do it in person

• I miss seeing you come into my office wearing a tight pink sweater. You thought I never noticed but I’m a man and I have a pulse. I noticed!

• I miss you eating food off my plate

• I miss talking through my day with you

• I miss having you in control of my life

• I miss that I no longer have you there to encourage and support me, no matter what

• I miss being annoyed about all the things you could do that annoyed me

• I miss that my dreams of you are no longer laced with the hope of what might be

• I miss that you’re the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night

• But to put it simply, I miss YOU. Just you. 

 

Josh’s hand began to cramp and he realised he’d filled up a whole page with his thoughts. He folded up the paper and sealed it in an envelope, wrote Donna’s name on the front and slipped it into a drawer. It was true – it did help him feel better. He had articulated on paper what he couldn’t say in person. Pushing himself out of his chair, he opened his office door and returned to the campaign, still nursing an aching heart but no longer feeling unsettled.

Donna’s POV

Struggling to hold back the tears, Donna picked up her bag and quickly left Josh’s office. She knew she was the recipient of curious looks from Santos campaign staffers so she held her head high as she walked quickly down the corridor. Exiting the building she hailed a cab, requesting to be taken to her hotel. Yes, dammit. A hotel. She couldn’t even go to her apartment as she’d sublet it to a very unusual girl from Treasury. Donna held it together until she closed her room door behind her and then the pent up emotions flowed.

With a savagery she didn’t know she possessed, she flung her bag across the room. “Aargh,” she roared. Watching the contents of her bag spill out triggered a release in Donna and all she had felt since speaking to Josh. All that she’d repressed to ensure she kept her dignity in the Santos campaign headquarters and in the cab, came tumbling out.

“How dare he?” she said loudly. “How. Dare. He?” Indignation caused the volume of her voice to increase.

“How DARE he say he misses me? He isn’t allowed to say stuff like that to me.” She paced through her room, waving her arms around and shouting out her feelings. “I’ve worked damm hard to put you behind me Joshua Lyman, to move on with my life. You can’t just say something so personal to me and expect to get away with it. I don’t WANT you to miss me. I don’t want you to show you have any feelings for me what so ever.” 

Donna’s anger turned into a flood of tears. Falling onto the bed and clutching the pillow to her chest, she sobbed. She cried at her sense of failure. She had tried for months to separate herself from Josh and to move on. Lonely nights on the Russell campaign had seen her give herself many a stern talking to. She had reminded herself that she had come to think of Josh as ‘peppermint ice cream” – someone that had become an irritation to her. She had reminded herself of her belief that Josh only regarded her as an invaluable assistant and nothing more. She had convinced herself that Josh was never going to see her true capabilities and the only way she could shine, professionally, was to be away from him and to work with people who would mentor her.

As her tears subsided, she realised the only thing she had failed at was convincing herself of all this. Who was she kidding? Professionally, she had moved on and she was happy with where her career had taken her. She was very grateful to Will for providing her with some wonderful opportunities. Personally, she was where she had always been. Hopelessly in love with Josh Lyman. Damn it!

Donna slid off the bed and ambled into the bathroom, Grabbing a fistful of tissues from the box on the bench, she glanced into the mirror. A red eyed, red nosed, sad face looked out at her. Josh missed this?? Seriously? This thought made her giggle, which at least was an improvement!

As she walked back into the bedroom, she felt overwhelmed by memories and shame. Yes, Josh could be irritating. Everyone knew that. But she had allowed herself to become invaluable to him. By collecting his dry cleaning, keeping track of his personal effects and monitoring his eating habits, she had become more than an assistant. She was looking after him in the only way she was allowed. And she had never stopped to realise the damage it was doing to them. He had come to regard her presence as a given. Even if in her mind, she saw her work as something separate from her desire to care for him, he didn’t. He took it as her doing her job. God, they were both at fault…He HAD tried to give her opportunities. She remembered the times he had given her responsibilities that other assistants didn’t have. But she still believed that working away from his shadow had done her good. She had no regrets over that. But she did regret the way she had done it and the damage it had caused to their relationship. 

She thought back to her time in the hospital in Germany. Something had dramatically shifted in their relationship. Everyone saw it but neither Josh nor Donna knew what to do next. Now Donna comprehended that believing Josh only thought of her as a valuable assistant was clearly delusional. He flew half way around the world with only his backpack and laptop, during a crisis she knew would ordinarily have seen him working around the clock and he did it to be there for her.

“Maybe I did have a brain injury after all,” she muttered aloud.

Donna heard Josh’s words in her head “And if you think I don’t miss you every day…” The pain and emotion in his voice was clear. For once, he had dropped his guard and expressed his feelings to her. What had she done? Stopped him with a hand gesture and fled the room. Now, in all honesty, that was all she had been capable of at the time. She wasn’t prepared for that level of honesty and it was too overpowering. Now, she saw it for what it was – a declaration. But it was too late. She’d run away and she doubted they would ever be able to revisit it. She wanted to tell him she missed him too…

Sighing, she did the next best thing. Opening the desk drawer she took out a sheet or paper bearing the name of the hotel. Adding the date, she began to write:

Josh, I miss you too. Every day. Every night. I tried to put you behind me, with all the emotion that goes along with my memories of you. But I can’t do it. You are a part of me. You have a part of me, a part of my soul that no one will ever be able to touch. It has your name on it and that is never going to change – no matter where our lives lead us.

What do I miss about you? 

• I miss that your ego is wondering what it is I miss

• I miss seeing your passion drive your day as you endeavour to do good work

• I miss celebrating with you when you win and commiserating with you when you don’t

• I miss watching your mind at work

• I miss your belief in me

• I miss you teaching me things without demeaning my intelligence. I did have a good teacher – YOU!

• I miss that you once trusted me enough to talk through your day and the challenges it presented 

• I miss that no one else puts me first the way you did

• I miss that I feel safe when I’m around you, that you will always protect me.

• I miss tying your bow tie

• I miss the way you look at me when I am tying your tie. Did you honestly think I never noticed?

• I miss our daily dose of “brain sex”. 

• I miss seeing you smirk and raise your eyebrow as you read my previous comment

• I miss that you’re the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I want to speak to before I go to sleep

• But to put it simply, I miss YOU. Just you. 

Donna sat back, exhausted. She knew it was therapeutic to write down your thoughts. Once she started to write, her emotions were unleashed and the words poured out of her. Folding the paper, she placed it inside an envelope, sealed it and wrote Josh’s name on the front. Slipping it inside her suitcase, she recognised she felt better. She would tackle whatever lay ahead, find herself a job and be thankful for loving a man like Josh.

Several weeks later

Donna returned to DC after several weeks on the road. She’d been working on the Midwest Coordinated Campaign, doing press. She’d enjoyed it but was glad to be back in DC. She’d been asked to come into campaign headquarters for a briefing with Lou who was heading Communications. Despite her best intentions, she was somewhat nervous of running into Josh. Lord only knows what his reaction was to her being hired. She guessed she was about to find out.

As she sorted through mail that had been forwarded on to her via numerous campaign stops, she found an envelope in unknown handwriting. Opening it, she took out a sheet of paper and another envelope. She read:

Dear Donna,

I found this while tidying up Josh’s desk. I figured he’d forgotten to post it so I’m forwarding it on. I thought it might be important- I hope it wasn’t urgent.

King regards

Ronna

With shaking fingers, Donna slit open the envelope and pulled out a single piece of paper written in Josh’s handwriting. As she read his words, her mind struggled to comprehend what she was reading. Her eyes filled with tears as she gasped. Grabbing her bag she ran from the hotel. 

Meanwhile, Josh was ranting at Lou for having hired Donna. Hadn’t she heard Donna had worked for Russell? Had trashed Santos in press statements? How could Lou do this without consulting him, the campaign manager?

“Ok, that is it come with me,” and Lou grabbed Josh’s arm.

“Where are we going?” asked Josh.

“Bedroom off the staff room, “ Lou replied forcibly.

“Okay, I don't want to seem ungracious--we've all been under a lot of pressure--it's just that—“ his voice trailed off as he is led into the bedroom to find Donna sitting on the bed

“Hi” he said softly.

Donna stood and looked at him with eyes that displayed her nerves. “Hi”. 

Lou takes a deep breath and says to Josh “I don't know what the problem is between you two, but she's great on television and I don't care if she worked for Francisco Franco in the Primary, right now it's all hands on deck, so ... work it out.” With that she closes the door leaving Josh and Donna looking uncomfortably at each other.

Donna knew this was it. She never thought they would have an opportunity to revisit the moment from a few weeks ago. But maybe a guardian angel was looking out for them because here she was…here he was…

Donna spoke first. “Ronna sent me a letter. I just got it today.”

“You and Ronna are pen pals now?” Josh snarked at her.

“No. She forwarded me a letter you should have posted to me a few weeks ago,” and Donna held it out to Josh who paled as he instantly recognised it.

“That… she shouldn’t have…let me tell you what that is…” Josh attempted to cover his awkwardness.

“I know exactly what it is. I want to give you this,” and Donna handed him the letter she had written in her hotel room all those weeks ago.

Josh tore open the envelope and began to read. Donna watched him intensely trying to gauge his reaction. But ever the masterful politician, Josh schooled his features to hide his emotions as he tried to process the words on the paper.

Finally he looked up at her, hating the apprehension he saw on her face.

“Brain sex?” he smirked.

Donna rolled her eyes. “I knew that would be the one part you would focus on.”

Josh suddenly looked serious as he held her gaze. “No, I focused on the rest as well. There are some things that are the same in both our letters.”

“So it would seem,” Donna smiled. Feeling encouraged she stepped closer to him.

“We should try and do something about that.” Josh said softly. He too, drew closer to her.

“What do you have in mind?” Donna asked innocently.

“I like efficiency Donna and having two lists where certain things are repeated seems inefficient to me. I think we should merge the lists and cut down on the dot points.”

“Agreed. Which one should we get rid of first?” Donna held her breath as she waited for his response.

“The last 2 on both our lists are exactly the same. Maybe we should start there and work backwards?” he asked, still unsure of where things were going.

Donna reached for the letter and read aloud:

I miss that you’re the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I want to speak to before I go to sleep

But to put it simply, I miss YOU. Just you. 

She looked up at him and said “I miss you every day too,” and with those words Josh closed the distance between them. Taking her face in his hands he gently kissed her on the lips. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes and saw nothing there but happiness, love and desire. As his lips sought hers again, she moaned a little and wound both arms around his neck drawing him closer to her. They spent the next few minutes necking like teenagers until they finally drew apart, breathing heavily.

“Wow,” was all Josh could say. He watched Donna walk to the door. Fearing she was leaving he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her lock the door. 

Moving towards him slowly, she shrugged out of her jacket “Now, lets get to work on being the last person we speak to before we go to sleep.”

“This is gonna be better than brain sex, isn’t it?” Josh squeaked as she pushed him back onto the bed.

“You better believe it. I’m going to make sure we never miss each other again.”


End file.
